television.

i hate ads that open with, “we all love [insert noun/verb here].”

fuck you, ad, you don’t know me. you don’t know my life.

… except you’re totally right, channel 7: i do love baby elephants.

warning

"Warning: If you are reading this then this warning is for you. Every word you read of this useless fine print is another second off your life. Don’t you have other things to do? Is your life so empty that you honestly can’t think of a better way to spend these moments? Or are you so impressed with authority that you give respect and credence to all that claim it? Do you read everything you’re supposed to read? Do you think every thing you’re supposed to think? Buy what you’re told to want? Get out of your apartment. Meet a member of the opposite sex. Stop the excessive shopping and masturbation. Quit your job. Start a fight. Prove you’re alive. If you don’t claim your humanity you will become a statistic. You have been warned."
-Fight Club, Chuck Palahniuk

Jimmy Kimmel live with Snooki and Zach

Jimmy Kimmel: You think you two could snookup?
Zach Galifianakis: I'd like to watch the show first and get to know her better.
Snooki: All he needs is some gtl
Zach Galifianakis: What's that?
Snooki: Gym Tan Laundry
Zach Galifianakis: Oh. Do you know what NASA stands for?

how is your heart?

during my worst times
on the park benches
in the jails
or living with whores
I always had this certain
contentment-
I wouldn’t call it happiness-
it was more of an inner balance
that settled for
whatever was occurring
and it helped in the
factories
and when relationships
went wrong
with the
girls.
it helped
through the
wars and the
hangovers
the backalley fights
the hospitals.
to awaken in a cheap room
in a strange city and
pull up the shade-
this was the craziest kind of
contentment
and to walk across the floor
to an old dresser with a
cracked mirror-
see myself, ugly,
grinning at it all.
what matters most is
how well you
walk through the
fire.
-Charles Bukowski

complaint of the day.

i feel like im constantly surrounded by idiots.

apples.

Apples = Vitamins

Vitamins = Strength

Strength = Might

Might = Money

Money = Girls

Girls = Sex

Sex = Aids

Aids = Dead

Do you want a apple?

a note about conditioner:

conditioner is one item in the beauty aisle that ive learned over the years that you must splurge on. redken smooth down and bedhead control freak work the best so far that ive tried. and usually i can go with the cheaper stuff for most hair and makeup stuff but conditioner really seems to work better when its more expensive. i swear. my hair feels like buttaaa baby!

in a perfect world.

we could all eat chiense food in the nude. together.

brilliant.

boob lettuce.

I had a sandwhich for lunch today,
and at one point a large piece of lettuce fell down not only my sweater, but my bra.

Like, it slid from the point of initial contact down into my bra.

Try to fight the boner and read on.

So there were people around, but what’re you gonna do, ya know? It needed to get outta there. So I reached into my shirt to fish out the greenery.

I can’t really explain what happened next because I don’t entirely understand it. It’s one of those things that happened in half an instant: I made eye contact with a dude as I was fishing for the lettuce and for some reason it really threw me off-kilter.

Why was this guy looking at me? Oh right, because I was fondling my tits in public.

But why didn’t he break the eye contact when I noticed him? Was he offended? Was he staring at me, this young woman so inept that she couldn’t eat a BLT without turning the sidewalk into the set of a softcore mayonnaise fetish porn, in disdain? Was he Mormon?

By the time I’d gotten the lettuce in-hand, I was so distracted by this string of questions that I took the first reflexive action available — I put the lettuce in my mouth.

I ate my boob lettuce.

Anyways, after that the guy looked away, sufficiently horrified, and I took a napkin and got the mayonnaise situation taken care of, but that’s one of those things that you just have to look at and laugh.

Fucking being a human, man.

What the hell.

why i love canada.

this is where i want to go on my honeymoon one day.

open yourself yall.

so many people are so closed-minded, judgmental, cruel, and set in their ways that it makes me sad. i feel blessed/lucky to have a good reign on my mind so that I do not deny or reject any opinions/information that comes my way. i am an open book; a sponge of sorts. even if i come across a viewpoint that i disagree with, I try to see it another way, and understand (if only just a little). i am extremely empathetic, and although i do have my faults (too many to list), i try to work on it. i take constructive criticism, i take opposing opinions, i read as much as i can, and i try to not pass judgement on anyone’s life or situation. i don’t believe everything i read though, and that’s something you have to be careful of if you’re exercising an open mind. politicians and the media lie, you need to be weary of that. what i mean is, allow yourself to be an educated individual who doesn’t carry hate in their soul. you have no place to judge anyone, because you don’t know them. pretend your mind is an open window with a screen, if you know what i mean.

peace.

reasons why autumn rules.

•not freezing
•not balls hot
•jeans
•flannels
•sweaters
•leaves
•halloween
•walking walking walking
•cinnimon/pumpkin/autumn scented candles
•tea every day after school
•scary movies playing on AMC 24/7
•stomping on leaves

pretend.

when toddlers burst into tears I pretend it's either over Pakistan or trapped Chilean miners.

diet tip #7:

quit calling anything mayo based a salad.

nothing to wear,

this&that.

sunrises.
fuzzy conversations and happy eyes
of people passing and being passed by.
it’s like this
sphere
with something rattling inside.
a/the present. wrapped and bowed by the past
happiness
and tears
crumbled paper and pictures.
love and loss.

and the rest is rust and stardust.

the sky/light/air/smell was so beautiful driving back to raleigh this morning.
i was elated. this feeling i always dread, because there is always an equal low to follow. i’m silly like that.
today, was one of those days where i would rather just hang around. but duty called, though i didn't want it to. too bad.
and anyway, everything is going to be ooooooK.

untitled.

shit list.

i used to think i hated all people. but i dont.
i hate:

males in their early twenties.
skanky white trash girls.
gold digging soccer moms.
really obese people who still consistently eat badly.
drunken sports fans.
ignorant closed minded people.
children without manners.

i do however love:

family.
people who read.
men who know what they want.
girls who are driven by passion.
any man who can pull off a mustache. and/or can play a harmonica.
and chunky applesauce with cinnamon. (thats not a person but its yummy.)

dream room.

to the boy at the show.

if you ever get mauled by bears
i hope they stay away from your face
cause i think you're cute.

my only regret

is that in the short time i had with you, i couldnt help you to have more faith in yourself.

amuse me.

im a little tea pot short and stout! here is my handle, here is my spout! when i get all steamed up i just shout. TIP me over and pour me out.

i did the dance too. you just couldnt see it.

milkbath.

the world has hope.

take my mind but not my soul.

drained from a day. but happy in my heart.

read this you ignorant people!!

Keep arguing about moral issues, keep being distracted by Healthcare Legislature that can only be considered Reform in name. The only people who have read the entire bill are the Lobbyists who wrote it. Keep letting Mainstream Media and other Biased Media outlets use fear to persuade you into believing and supporting things that directly go against your well being and your children’s future. Keep voting for American Idol and watch as we kill innocent people on many fronts in the name of the War Against Terrorism. 33% of the people we have been killed in Pakistan with unmanned drones were civilians.You know what killing innocent people with unmanned drones does? It creates more Terrorists. You know what water boarding people 100 times until they confess to crimes they didn’t commit does? It creates more Terrorists. We are giving people actual reasons to devote their lives to bringing us down and they won’t target the people who made the decisions to do this. Operation Meatshield is in full effect, guess what side of the ball you are on?

Keep investing your own intelligence into dissecting fantasy football rosters and Lady GaGa videos. Keep circle jerking your New York Social Media friends. Keep wasting hot air on things that do not matter in a time when everything that actually matters is at stake. Keep wondering why you can only get hired part time or as a contractor without benefits and your pay barely covers your living expenses. Keep wondering why your college education in Liberal Arts with a minor in AIM Away Messages and 60k in Student Loan debt is translating into a commission based retail job at the mall.

You are part of the first generation of Americans who will have it worse than their parents did. “When I was a kid, I used to walk to school.” Well, when I was a kid I was promised the world and when I actually inherited it, the oil was gone and the water was too toxic to drink and soil too depleted to farm on. We sit around praying for a miracle to save us, even though we stopped believing in god years ago.

Stop allowing fear to control your lives. Stop allowing yourself to be divided over the most basic ideas. Realize that 99.9% of all Human’s DNA is exactly the same, yet we still focus on the .1% that alters our book sleeves. Fall back in love with Mother Nature and the beauty embedded in her. Don’t wait until New Years Eve to make resolutions to better yourself, work on YOU every single day, that is what you are here for! Lead by example, analyze everything, and don’t be afraid to consider ideas that directly conflict with your own. Embrace your local communities and connect on multiple levels with your extended families and friends. Enlarge your support networks and invest time, energy, and passion into everything around you. It is contagious, and as more and more people wake up to what is truly going on around them, they will be better suited to at first accept it, and then fix it from the inside out.

Fucking A.

heartshapes.

today was a fairytale.

amen.

god i love reading about conservative republican politicians having kinky gay sex.

i dont want to feel.

dad knows cool music i think.

me: and there was this sucky indie band...
dad: deer tiger?
me: no
dad: grizzly wolf?
me: NO
dad: fox collective?

dinner party.

i wanna have a pretty little party. were all the girls wear fancy dresses and the boys wear fancy trousers. and we dance to my records and drink yummy red wine and eat crazy things we cant pronouce. and things of that sort. wanna come?

today.

i just want to do everything i have to do..naked.

truth.

pancakes. oh my god.

yummy yummy.

i like you.

"If I like you, that means at least one of these things: you are disinterested, I am scared to admit I like you so I am not going to call you back, I will write about the possibility of us everywhere, I will email my best friend about your voice, you are not single, you don’t know my name, I really have to know what your favorite sort of music is, I like to eat green apples and think of you, I didn’t mean to become your best friend but now I don’t know how to tell you I think I am in love with you, you are not my type but I like your t-shirt (and your eyelashes), I am an idiot, you are beautiful, I really want to call you, I didn’t see you today so I am going to yell at everyone, you are miles away, I am desperate, you don’t even know me, I want to get drunk with you, let’s sleep under the sky together, I wonder if you would ever like to wake up next to me, I want you for my birthday."

the past is done.

no more dead end jobs
no more asshole exboyfriends
no more stupid bosses
no more bitches
no more drama
no more bad decisions
no more wasting time
no more crying
no more.

muchness.

on a lighter note:

to make myself survive this dreary monday night in this dreadful town..sweet tart jellybeans and john mayer put the happy in my ness.
i think i may even begin some spring cleaning. the show hoarders is beginning to scare me into it. i think i have some unhealthy tendencies.
also i hope everyone who orders things on amazon.com for themselves gets gift wrapping and writes themselves a card. i mean it just cheers me up, even if it is a bit mad.

march 4th.

it's a thursday again

it's a day again

it is again

it is

and again

piss.

so i had a pretty good day in general but a few things just totally made me want to scream. and i hate complaining but no one reads this bullshit anyways so here it goes...

anatomy class. hardest freaking class ever. thats okay i like to learn and stuff...if i were able to.. unfortunatly i take the class with a bunch of blonde bimbo sorority girls who dont care to learn and talk about the stupidest shit all class right in front of me. so that was a wasted hour and a half!! UGH!

stats class. another very hard class. so thats why i try to listen!!! but this time this bitch sits next to me that was about as dumb as they come (i dont even know why she bothered coming to class, cus obviously this is the first time shes showed up all semester). so she precedes to ask me how to do everything! which makes me miss the notes. if she wouldve just shut her damn mouth and listened with both wouldve learned something. i hate paying for school when all these damn people keep ruining it for me. UGH UGH!!

k then i get to the grocery store to pick up some damn chocolate and cough syrup cus at this point thats all thats gonna make me less angry. ok so forgot to mention i have the flu..so im not looking my best... but why the fuck in this uppity town is it that everytime i go to the harris teeter up here if i dont look like im dressed to go to the damn red lobster people think im stealing shit. REALLY!? come on!


DAMN!

im done.

rude boy:

full moon.

some crazy goings ons
have been happening the last few days.
& im pretty sure its because the moon
looks like a big orange fruit in the sky
but my life has completely changed.
and its totally awesome!!!!
im as happy as ive ever been.
so this blog is dedicated to you moon.
thanks dude :)

&

...tell me how i'm supposed to breathe with no air...hahaha

a retrospect.

1:03 am watching coco christopher on hulu. (fuck you nbc)

12:29 am eating ben and jerrys in bed while i google p90x

----------------------------------------------------------

(amnesia)

8:04 pm mopping

(amnesia)7:23 pm at work pondering what it would be like to have a british accent for a day

6:05 pm daydreaming at work about drinking martinis with a manatee...

4:24 pm eating tuna

12:34 pm watching soaps while at the gym

(sleeping)

spiritual enlightenment.

mediation.

attempt one.

\

mondays.

this place is a prison. i need out so bad. i hear asheville (sub chicago, alaska, or seattle) calling my name.

by the way things are going though i have a few years til i can finally escape for good.

the yuppies are driving me insane.

so in order to stay sane this evening the following shall be done:

consume blueberry beer from the night before the night before

watch hulu and listen to lala while eating life savers

plant sugarcane and tea in my farm

order some clothes from american apparel

bicker with my mother about my life choices

consume copious amounts of drugs to sleep soundly through the night

pray for little kittens to show up at my doorstep in the morning

the end.

this blog.

i made this blog.